第2章

Coming from Sara Lee it was startling and revolutionary.In Aunt Harriet's world young women did not question their duty, which was to marry,preferably some one in the neighborhood, and bear children, who would be wheeled ahout that same neighborhood in perambulators and who would ultimately grow up and look after themselves.

"The use?" she asked tartly.

"Of having babies, and getting to care about them, and then - There will always be wars, won't there?""You turn over and go to sleep," counseled Aunt Harriet."And stop looking twenty years or more ahead." She hesitated."You haven't quarreled with Harvey, have you?"Sara Lee turned over obediently.

"No.It's not that," she said.And the door closed.

Perhaps, had she ever had time during the crowded months that followed, Sara Lee would have dated certain things from that cold frosty night in December when she began to question things.For after all that was what it came to.She did not revolt.She questioned.

She lay in her white bed and looked at things for the first time.The sky had seemed low that night.Things were nearer.The horizon was close.And beyond that peaceful horizon, to the east, something was going on that could not be ignored.Men were dying.Killing and dying.Men who had been waited for as Anna watched for her child.

Downstairs she could hear Aunt Harriet moving about.The street was quiet, until a crowd of young people - she knew them by their voices - went by, laughing.

"It's horrible," said Sara Lee to herself.There was a change in her, but she was still inarticulate.Somewhere in her mind, but not formulated, was the feeling that she was too comfortable.Her peace was a cheap peace, bought at no price.Her last waking determination was to finish the afghan quickly and to to knit for the men at the war.

Uncle James was ill the next morning.Sara Lee went for the doctor, but Anna's hour had come and he was with her.Late in the afternoon he came, however looking a bit gray round the mouth with fatigue, but triumphant.He had on these occasions always a sense of victory; even, in a way, a eeling of being part of a great purpose.He talked at such times ofthe race, as one may who is doing his best by it.

"Well," he said when Sara Lee opened the door, "it's a boy.Eight pounds.Going to be red-headed, too." He chuckled.

"A boy!" said Sara Lee."I - don't you bring any girl babies any more?" The doctor put down his hat and glanced at her.

"Wanted a girl, to be named for you?"

"No.It's not that.It's only -" She checked herself.He wouldn't understand.The race required girl babies."I've put a blue bow on my afghan.Pink is for boys," she said, and led the way upstairs.

Very simple and orderly was the small house, as simple and orderly as Sara Lee's days in it.Time was to come when Sara Lee, having left it, ached for it with every fiber of her body and her soul - for its bright curtains and fresh paint, its regularity, its shining brasses and growing plants, its very kitchen pans and green-and-white oilcloth.She was to ache, too, for her friends - their small engrossing cares, their kindly interest, their familiar faces.

Time was to come, too, when she came back, not to the little house, it is true, but to her friends, to Anna and the others.But they had not grown and Sara Lee had.And that is the story.

Uncle James died the next day.One moment he was there, an uneasy figure, under the tulip quilt, and the next he had gone away entirely, leaving a terrible quiet behind him.He had been the center of the little house, a big and cheery and not over-orderly center.Followed his going not only quiet, but a wretched tidiness.There was nothing for Sara Lee to do but to think.

And, in the way of mourning women, things that Uncle James had said which had passed unheeded came back to her.One of them was when he had proposed to adopt a Belgian child, and Aunt Harriet had offered horrified protest.

"All right," he had said."Of course, if you feel that way about it - ! But I feel kind of mean, sometimes, sitting here doing nothing when there's such a lot to be done."Then he had gone for a walk and had come back cheerful enough butrather quiet.

There was that other time, too, when the German Army was hurling itself, wave after wave, across the Yser - only of course Sara Lee knew nothing of the Yser then - and when it seemed as though the attenuated Allied line must surely crack and give.He had said then that if he were only twenty years younger he would go across and help.

"And what about me?" Aunt Harriet had asked." But I suppose I wouldn't matter.""You could go to Jennie's, couldn't you?"There had followed one of those absurd wrangles as to whether or not Aunt Harriet would go to Jennie's in the rather remote contingency of Uncle James' becoming twenty years younger and going away.

And now Uncle James had taken on the wings of the morning and was indeed gone away.And again it became a question of Jennie's.Aunt Harriet, rather dazed at first, took to arguing it pro and con.

"Of course she has room for me," she would say in her thin voice."There's that little room that was Edgar's.There's nobody in it now.But there's only room for a single bed, Sara Lee."Sara Lee was knitting socks now, all a trifle tight as to heel."I know," she would say."I'll get along.Don't you worry about me."Always these talks ended on a note of exasperation for Aunt Harriet.For Sara Lee's statement that she could manage would draw forth a plaintive burst from the older woman.

"If only you'd marry Harvey," she would say."I don't know what's come over you.You used to like him well enough."I still like him."

"I've seen you jump when the telephone bell rang.Your Uncle James often spoke about it.He noticed more than most people thought." She followed Sara Lee's eyes down the street to where Anna was wheeling her baby slowly up and down.Even from that distance Sara Lee could see the bit of pink which was the bow on her afghan."I believe you're afraid.""Afraid?"

"Of having children," accused Aunt Harriet fretfully.

Sara Lee colored.